Racial Audit Team Reflection

Helen Ryde, Racial Audit Team Member

I was invited to be part of the MFSA Racial Audit Task Force as a person who has worked alongside MFSA in many collaborative projects and whose job at a sibling organization (Reconciling Ministries Network) is in the same general universe (UMC social justice work). When I saw what MFSA was undertaking and committing to in this audit I knew I wanted to be a part of it. Not because I had ANY answers at all, but because I knew (and know) that this is a journey I needed to continue personally, and that RMN needs to engage with also.

We started our journey together back in the "literally just before COVID" days of February 2020, spending a couple of days being immersed in learning the process and framework from Crossroads, our partner and guide in this work. Together we crafted a Commitment to Courage statement and signed a commitment form, agreeing that we would... work harder than we thought, engage in hard emotional labor and struggle against the need to absolve. 

All these have proven to be true. 

Following the framework provided by Crossroads we have dug deeply into MFSA as an institution and the ways in which whiteness has been centered and systemic racism has been allowed to remain. 

These are not comfortable conversations for an organization whose focus is on social justice and the marginalized. These are not comfortable conversations for me, personally, as someone who hopes or intends to be present in the world as someone who advocates for justice and equity. 

Over and over we have come to the place of committing to being in the place of discomfort. When we thought we had dug as deeply as we could into a specific area, we were encouraged to peel back more layers, discover more, be more honest, tell more truth. 

Recognizing all along, that as a white person in this process, my experiences of discomfort are minor compared to what my siblings of color have endured and continue to experience. 

I have needed to constantly remind myself to pause the impulse to move toward solutions. I’ve been reminded over and over that seeking to “fix” the issues we’ve uncovered is often to avoid sitting with the truth of what has been revealed, and it prevents us from leaning into deeper truth that remains to be illuminated. It's natural in a way, that when we see where something is wrong we want to immediately fix it. However, I have been taught in this process, that as white people especially, we often rush to action - we want to feel better about ourselves, and quickly. When we do this, we perpetuate the centering of white comfort and we find so-called solutions that do not end up creating the systemic change that is really needed. 

I am grateful to be on this journey with you all, as we continue our baptismal commitment to resist evil, injustice, and oppression, by dismantling white supremacy in my own life and in our shared lives together in MFSA, RMN and the wider UMC connection.